After losing a spouse or significant other, we have a myriad of changes and losses in our lives. Our identity changes, our income changes, and sometimes our residence changes. We experience a loss of support, income, financial security, confidence, faith, and future dreams,
Seeking support is essential to our healing. Talk to a trusted friend or family member. If we don’t have a trusted friend or don’t want to burden our family, consider talking to a pastor or counselor. They can help us process our loss and develop coping strategies. Voicing our sorrow aloud assists us in processing our sorrow. It is therapeutic. Finding an outlet to share your feelings is essential to healing. You will feel less alone. You may consider a support group for widows. The funeral home may have resources for a support group. If not, search online to find a group near you. I reached out to a counselor because I did not want to burden my family with my sorrow. I met with her for at least a year. I felt supported once I developed a rapport with my counselor. She listened to my story.
It occurred to me that you may not be ready to speak to others initially. I did not have words in the beginning weeks after my husband passed. I just told others I was okay. I was not okay; however, I could not tell you what was needed. Making critical decisions like relocating is not recommended during the first year. But I made that decision because shock prevented me from thinking clearly. I regretted it for years. I needed the comfort of a familiar house where I raised my children. It was sad to be there, but also, there was a quiet peacefulness and comfort in that familiar home.
I reached out to God in my early grief. I visited churches to find one where I felt comfortable. The pastor retired from the church I attended while my children were growing up. He and his wife moved three and a half hours away. I continued to attend services for a while, but it was not the same. Thus, I was still looking for a church where I felt at home.
I looked on the Meetup app to find something there. I found a meditation group that met at a church in the city. I attended a couple of times a week. I found peace there. The meditation enhanced my attention, emotional awareness, kindness, compassion, and mental calmness. The trauma of loss disturbed my concentration and ability to calm myself. I was happy to find a meditation group, although I did not find a church.
A few months later, I discovered another meditation group that met on Zoom at seven AM. It was perfect for me. I could meditate every morning before starting my day, and after meditating, I went for a walk. It was ideal for my daily schedule.
Meditation and talking to a counselor felt supportive for me all those months. A support I needed desperately. Other posts will describe the techniques I used to heal my grief. There were many. It led me to a better place.