The most challenging but freeing decision was the acceptance that it was my husband’s time to die. Even now, it is uncomfortable to say. In the early days, I could not even accept that he died. But, as the months passed, I read a lot of books, watched many movies, and viewed videos about death, heaven, and near-death experiences. It eventually led me to realize that it was his time to die. Once I accepted it, I let go of the numerous upsetting emotions that trapped me in a sorrowful place. I still missed him and my friend, Elaine. But I could accept that it was his time to die. His death did not have anything to do with me.
I read the book Proof of Heaven: A Neurosurgeon’s Journey into the Afterlife by Eben Alexander, MD. He was in a coma for a week. His coma was caused by a highly aggressive E. coli bacteria that damaged his neocortex and brainstem. Three physicians studied his medical records and his report that he visited the afterlife. They concluded that his nonfunctioning brain could not generate the vivid experiences he reported after waking from the coma. They gave him CT and MRI scans. They could not determine a medical conclusion for his experience.
I also read the book Evidence of the Afterlife by Jeffery Long, MD. He is a radiation oncology physician who founded the Near Death Experience (NDE) Research Foundation and compiled numerous studies of people who experienced NDE. His research found that most people who had NDE experienced a loving God, unconditional love, reason for our earthly existence, our hardships, forgiveness, and an afterlife, and it was consistent over race and cultures.
Mind you, all of them were in life-threatening situations when their NDE occurred. This book profoundly affected me because it eliminated the survivor guilt that plagued me. I suffered regret and guilt over things I did or didn’t do before Graham’s death. Most of all, it eliminated the regret that I did not take him to the ER that first day he felt pain.
Research shows that most of the NDEers were given a choice to stay on Earth or go to the afterlife. Most decided to stay here because the spiritual helpers said that they had a personal mission to complete on this Earth. Two people, in particular, did not want to return to Earth. A spiritual Being told them it was not their time. They were sent back to their body because they had not completed their lifework on Earth. (Long 2010)