Today, I read numerous posts on a widow’s Facebook group about how everyone posting wanted to join their loved ones in the afterlife. I realize that they are not suicidal. They are incredibly lonely and miss their spouse. I have to admit that loneliness is the hardest to cope with after the death of a spouse. It has been almost five years since Graham died. The answer to loneliness, of course, is finding a new love. But, even then, it will not be the same. However, when you are in your 70s, it is unlikely. I don’t even try. Most of the time, staying busy is my answer. However, I remember vividly how painful those first years were for me. It was excruciatingly painful. My heart goes out to all of those Facebook friends. But, now I only notice the loneliness spiratically.
I miss my best friend Elaine when I want to talk about feelings. She died the following year after Graham. I miss her compassion and her caring nature. And I miss her companionship. I speak to her sometimes when I feel she is near. I tell her I miss talking to her. I am grateful that I enjoyed her company.
I have not spoken to anyone for two days now. I yearn for someone who cares what I think. I have new friends, but they have only known me for two years. They don’t understand my history; they have a different political affiliation. They forget I have food allergies and that cooking consumes much of my day. I cannot eat anything sold in a package. And mostly, I notice they don’t remember things I tell them about me. News journalists bombard us with an overwhelming amount of emotional information. it increases our already stressed bodies. It can affect our focus, memory, and level of pain. So, I hope my bond with my new friends will continue to deepen.
I hope that you will indulge my whining about loneliness today. Reading those Facebook posts triggered my loneliness. I am glad I am not still in the depths of grief as they are. I am sending love to all of them.
I took a walk an hour ago, despite the cool weather. It was forty degrees, and with the wind, it was much cooler. A walk always lifts my mood. I thought of the support that I have in my life. I have made some friends by going on the Meetup app and joining local groups. There are book clubs, tennis clubs, card clubs, and single clubs. You may like volunteering at a soup kitchen. My son is very supportive even though he is out of state. He has called me about once a week. It is reassuring and encouraging to have him call. I feel valued after we talk. My wish is that all of you have at least one person who is encouraging, especially if you live alone.
My go-to techniques for overcoming feeling sad or lonely are listening to upbeat music, praying, meditating, listening to affirmation videos on YouTube, and finally, being grateful. I am thankful for the sunshine today. I am grateful for my dog. I am grateful for my health. I am thankful for fresh air, clean water, my car, a good book. I am grateful for the library. I am thankful that I learned how to type. I am appreciative of the spellcheck. I am grateful for dog videos.
I hope that if you find yourself triggered by grief, you can pull yourself out of it quickly. It is overwhelming to realize how many people struggle with the emotional turmoil of grief. Remember, we are in this together. You are not alone.